Bet I made you read that title twice, didn’t I?

This may be an unpopular post topic, but I’m writing it anyway, because I think it’s a perspective worth considering.

Now is the time of year when gyms fill to capacity, people set resolutions, and everyone believes this shiny new year will be better than all those that came before it (if you want to read about my thoughts about new year goals, click here or here). So, I thought it was a perfect time to talk about why setting the goal of losing weight is not the best game plan.

Let’s start with looking at it from a goal-setting perspective. Goals are always more motivating when they have meaning and emotion behind them. I mean who wants to put their blood, sweat, and tears into a goal that doesn’t mean anything at the end of the day? It’s like that popular quote:

“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called STRESS. Working hard for something we love is called PASSION.”

Simon Sinek

Lord knows none of us need any more stress and that we could all use A LOT more passion in our lives, right? That’s aside from the fact that stress leads our bodies to produce more cortisol, a hormone that among other things, makes it harder for us to shed pounds.

You might be thinking that losing weight does mean something to you… and chances are your next thought is something related to your health, body image, or fitness. And that is precisely correct, because your health, body image, or fitness level is, actually, the goal. Losing weight is just part of the journey to achieve it. We just confuse the method with the outcome sometimes.

Which brings me to point 1) If you feel you need to lose weight, it’s important to stop and ask yourself why. What would losing weight do for you? Would you have more energy for your kids? Would you be able to walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for air? Would you improve your health statistics or reduce the number of medications you’re on? What does losing weight really mean to you? Take the focus off the scale and instead focus on what really matters. Make that the goal you are working toward and let the numbers be a byproduct of working to achieve that goal. You will remain SO MUCH more motivated when the goal you’re looking at has more meaning than just changing numbers on a scale.

We (especially ladies), have been trained in our society to view our appearance as the barometer for feeling “good enough” and so it becomes the thing we focus on when life feels like it isn’t working. Often times, losing weight isn’t even really relevant to why you’re feeling a need for change, it’s just the thing that’s easiest to focus on. As an example, I used to provide evaluations for bariatric surgery patients as part of my psychological services. I can’t tell you how many times I heard someone say that losing weight was going to make everything better. People believe that once they lose weight, they will somehow magically start to love the rest of their life too. Unfortunately, that’s not how life works.

So, point number 2) If you find yourself consistently or intensely focused on weight loss, ask yourself if there is something else going on in your life that needs to be addressed. Sometimes, these are hard, painful, and uncomfortable issues. It is precisely because they are so difficult to deal with that people instead turn their focus and energy on thinking about and dealing with their body and their weight. While that may be an easier outlet to focus on changing, unless you address whatever else is going on, it doesn’t matter how much improvement you make from a weight/body perspective, you’ll never be fully satisfied. For many, once 5lbs goes away, they’re still left feeling incomplete and strive for the next 5, 10, and 15lbs to try to fill that void. For some, this can lead to an obsession with appearance and weight that can be very unhealthy. Rather than signing up for a body/weight focused obsession that will never really satisfy, it’s important to do the work to figure out what’s really bugging you. If you’re honest enough with yourself and put in the work, you may find that you become more comfortable in your skin as a result – regardless of what the scale says..

The dieting mentality has become so prevalent in our society. Sometimes I wonder what we would talk about if it wasn’t dieting and/or guilt about eating something OR judging someone else for their diet or what they are eating or not eating. On that note…

Point number 3) Let’s focus on building each other and ourselves up rather than engaging in behavior and conversations that keep us focused on negative and unhelpful things. Let’s drop diet talk and start talking about intuitive eating and balanced, healthy nutrition. Let’s stop making negative comments about ourselves and instead talk about the attributes we love about our appearance. Let’s stop judging other people for what they look like and start looking for internal qualities that we can appreciate about them. Let’s stop being part of the problem and let’s start being part of the solution: a group of people that focus on healthy lifestyles, healthy mindsets, and healthy relationships with our bodies and our food.

With all that said, I am by no means perfect at any of these. I struggle too. I am a woman that is no different from you. So, when I know my diet has swung into the highly indulgent side, I get stressed just like you. When jeans that always fit, start to get snug, I get stressed too. Like many of you, I look at photos of myself and judge what’s wrong with me rather than what’s right. This mindset and approach I’m talking about in this post aren’t things that come easily, but they are things I continue to work toward. They are things I hope to pass along to my daughter. And they are things that I feel really passionate about even when implementing them is harder than writing about them.

We all are a work in progress, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be proud of where we are and passionate about where we are going.

As always, Stay Healthy as Heck, KH