Happy Post-Mother’s-Day-Monday Mama’s!

Today we are going to talk about how to engage in some mental self-care. This post will be a shorter one, but don’t let the length be an indicator of its importance! I see a lot of information about self-care strategies come across my desk as a psychologist turned health coach/fitness instructor. Many of them are physical – meaning they are generally focused on one of our five senses. Some examples include listening to music, taking a bath, lighting your favorite candle, painting your nails, etc.

I think they are all absolutely incredible acts of self-love.

However, what I want to talk about today is mental self-care.

How do you challenge the negative voice in your head that tells you that you aren’t good enough or that you are failing as a Mom?

If we are all being honest, there is not one mother who makes it through this motherhood journey without seriously questioning what the f*** she is doing. Most moms, while loving their role, face incredible challenges during motherhood and maintaining their mental health is often the lowest of their priorities – even though it is the single most important thing you can do for yourself and for your children.

With that said, we are often strapped for time and energy as moms. Self-care that requires lengthy exercises just won’t do. I mean, how is one supposed to take a nice long hot bath when she can’t even go pee by herself?!

Below, you will find a few tips for small mental self-care activities for mom’s:

• Mindfulness: If you have never practiced mindfulness, this is a good time to start. I’ve linked a few resources on my Favorite Things Page as well as at the bottom of this post in my Amazon Picks. In case you have never heard of it before – briefly, mindfulness is the practice of being in the moment. Often, the thoughts that get us in trouble are related to the future, the past, or things that are outside of our current control. Mindfulness encourages us to ground ourselves in the present moment, allowing us to effectively deal with and focus on what is happening right now. After all, this moment is all we ever actually have. And mindfulness doesn’t have to be time consuming (although you can feel free to get into extended practices) – you can practice while you take a walk, while you wash dishes, or while you shower. The opportunities are endless! The APA has identified several benefits to practicing mindfulness. With respect to motherhood, some of the important ones include stress reduction, improved focus, decreased rumination, and less emotional reactivity. Sign me up!

Here is a great video for using your breath as a mindfulness practice (and the whole video is only 7 minutes!!):

https://youtu.be/XUOUidfOpJ0

• Affirmations: You are what you think (not what you eat, btw!). Thoughts are so powerful and often we don’t even realize what the thoughts are that are bouncing around in our heads. Mindfulness can help us become more aware of what these thoughts are, but it isn’t until we actively work on replacing these thoughts with more constructive ones that we will see a dramatic change. Affirmations feel silly at first, but like any other skill we have to master in life, success comes with repetitive practice – even when that practice feels awkward at first. The more you force your brain to restate positive and supportive statements, the more your brain begins to believe them and act accordingly. Below, you will find a list of affirmations to get you started, but feel free to create your own based on your own life experience.
• Phone a Friend: Support systems are always important – but it’s even more important when you’re a mother. I encourage you to have at least one or two mom-friends that you can call when you are questioning yourself. Someone who has been there, done that, and can remind you of all the ways you are doing a great job. Be selective in who you choose as your go-to person. No matter how much you may love them, someone who tends to be critical, know-it-all, negative, or overstressed is not a good match for this role. If you don’t have a friend like this available – get online and look for mom support groups on facebook or other social media platforms. Before you join in though, do a scan of previous posts and associated responses. Make sure the group is a positive environment where women can get honest, yet supportive/affirmative feedback. Sometimes all you need is a voice outside of your own head to remind you that you are doing ok!
• Movement: I know, I know, you’re thinking…. But Kristin, you said these were not physical! You’re right, I did. The reality is, thought, that movement often can help get us out of our head and can help us get grounded in the moment. You can get more information on the benefits of exercise on mental health here. Movement also prompts our body to release endorphins which can significantly help our mood! What I’m not talking about is killing yourself at the gym, trying to burn enough calories to lose weight, or finding an hour or more everyday to exercise. What I am talking about are things like taking a short 10 minute walk, stretching before you go to bed, or kicking the soccer ball around in the backyard with your child. I’m talking about things that just make you feel good – whatever that may look like for you.

As promised, here is a short list of starter affirmations to practice when motherhood has left you needing a little mental self-care boost:

• I am doing the best that I can for my kids and it is enough
• There is no such thing as a perfect mother
• I am the mother my children need
• I love my kids which is the most important thing a child needs from their mother
• I trust my intuition and do what is best for my family and me
• God blessed me with this child (these kids) because he knew we needed each other
• It’s ok and sets a good example when I take care of myself
• It’s ok to ask for help
• Even the best moms have bad days
• Nothing lasts forever, this tough moment of motherhood will pass

I also LOVE these printable cards from The Military Wife and Mom Blog! Be sure to check them out if you are looking for some more go-to affirmations!

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As Always, Stay Healthy as Heck, KH