I was looking at my Christmas Tree today and realized something…  If you look at it, you’ll notice my tree looks pretty good until you get to the star at the top.  That poor little guy is lopsided and half falling off.  And that, my friends, is a perfect metaphor for my life.  Mostly put together, with a little dose of sideways and upside down to keep it interesting.

I could have fixed that star and THEN posted the picture, but I thought… nahhh (For the record, it will probably never get fixed!).  I think we need more pictures and images of life’s imperfect, sideways, and upside-down moments.  So, here it is, in all its oddly positioned glory…

It’s important – especially as a woman and a mom – that as you look around at social media, other moms, and your friend group to remember that people aren’t as perfect as they may seem… or as you assume they are.

It’s so easy to think that everyone else has it all together.  The perfect marriage, the successful career, the spotless and organized home, the perfect body, and the happy, well-behaved family.  Social media is literally full of these carefully curated, cookie cutter images.

And those comparisons are just the obvious ones.  In my own life, I have had other women openly compare whether my personal life choices to theirs.  For example, is it better to get a formal degree or self-educate?  Is it better to be a SAHM or continue pursuing professional successes?  Is it better to breastfeed, pump, or give formula?  The comparisons are endless and, generally, unhelpful.  I just saw another one pop up on my feed today… this notion that it’s somehow more valuable to be an entrepreneur vs. work a 9-5.

You may have decided to get an advanced degree like me or your journey may have required more vocational/self-study work, or maybe you always wanted to be a SAHM mom so that’s exactly what you did with your life.  Here’s the truth, any one of those paths is completely awesome and worthy of pride.  Anyone who tries to tell you that one is better than the other is trying to justify their own insecurities about their chosen path or they are trying to sell you something (more on people like that in a bit).

Comparisons, as a general rule, do nothing for you.  They keep you and the people around you in a constant competition that nobody ever wins.  If the comparison works out in your favor, you may feel a temporary boost, but it’s superficial and short-lived.  It will be gone in the instant you see something else that you perceive to be better.  If it works out against you, then you immediately feel bad about yourself.  Ultimately, both of those paths just lead to more comparisons in an effort to continue to prove that you are good enough.

Here’s the bottom line: you already are good enough! You don’t need to compare yourself to anyone else to know that.  It just is. No career, home, body type, or dollar amount in the bank makes you any more or less valuable.

When you find yourself in a place of comparison, here are my remedies for moving in a different direction:

1. Gratitude: I talk about gratitude a lot, but that’s because identifying the things in life that we are thankful for can do wonders for reminding us how great our lives are.  When you find yourself comparing; stop and identify 5 things in your life that you are grateful for.  Throughout the rest of the day, repeat that list to yourself and gently remind yourself that your life has some awesome things too. (Click here for more ideas on how to cultivate gratitude)
2. Press the Block Button: If you find there are people in your life that make you feel not good enough and/or consistently give a competitive vibe or try to one-up you – press the block button.  This may mean you separate yourself on social media, but it also may mean you separate in real life.  And that’s ok!  Build a support system that lifts you up, reminds you how amazing you are, and celebrates your accomplishments.
3. Take a Break: If simply blocking/unfollowing doesn’t work, it might be time for a break.  I harp on social media because there is an enormous amount of marketing, self-promotion, and deception on your feeds and you often don’t realize it.  Some people purposely present themselves different from who they really are, but most of us just select the highlights of our lives to put out there for others to view.  If seeing these constant images starts to wear on your self-esteem, take a social media break.  Delete the apps off your phone for a week and see how you feel when the week is over.  Do you notice a little mood boost?
4. Phone a friend: This one takes some bravery… if you simply cannot come up with things to appreciate about yourself or your life, ask a friend.  Find someone you trust and ask them to honestly tell you what traits you have that they are grateful for, or what they admire about you, or what things they see in your life that they think are awesome.  Sometimes other people can see things we can’t and give us much-needed perspective.
5. Do an honest self-evaluation: Sorry for another bravery moment but… sometimes we compare because we have an honest insecurity about something in our life. Maybe our career has stalled, maybe we are financially in a bad place, maybe we haven’t been living a very healthy lifestyle… whatever it is, insecurities breed comparisons. Take these thoughts as a cue to step back and evaluate what isn’t working. Then, identify steps to improve on it. To clarify, this improvement is not to “beat” someone else, we are simply improving for the sake of being better humans.
6. You don’t know what happens behind closed doors: This is one of my favs.  I know people who show a very different side of themselves on social media and in public than who they are in real life.  That always reminds me that what we see in a newsfeed or in social settings may or may not match the reality of that person’s life.  Using other people’s lives as a measuring stick doesn’t work because we never really know the whole story.
7. Remember it’s a No-Win: If all else fails, remember that you will never win a comparison game.  There will always be someone bigger, better, prettier, stronger, and more successful.  It’s just how life works.  If you’re mood and self-confidence rely on feeling better than other people, you will set yourself up for an enormous amount of stress and constant disappointment.  Identify the aspects of yourself that you are proud of, write them down, and reread them when you feel the urge to look to someone else to compare yourself too.

And if all else fails, be like my tree.  Take both the good parts and the lopsided parts and wear them proudly.  Those lopsided parts don’t make you less valuable, they are what make you the unique and incredible human you are.

As always, Stay Healthy as Heck!